The Pain of Being Alone
by Fyrloche
Summary: Kagome gets upset with Inuyasha over Kikyo. He follows and explains some things.
1. Default Chapter

A/N : This story came from a conversation with my daughters. I hope that I can explain some of Inuyasha's behavior.  
  
Inuyasha stepped into the firelight of a very quite camp. He was meet with the hostile looks of three of his companions. "Where's Kagome?" he asked.  
"She's gone home to her own time." replied Shippo, sullenly. "And its all your fault!"  
"My fault?"  
"Indeed, Inuyasha. She saw you with Kikyo." Miroku explained.  
"And this caused her to go home? Why should it matter to her who I see? Or to you guys either, since I can tell you don't like it."  
"It upsets Kagome when you go to her." stated Sango. "You should be more considerate of her feelings."  
"I see. And my feelings mean nothing to any of you?"  
"It's not that, Inuyasha. It's just that this upsets Kagome greatly. You should think about her."  
"I don't see any of you telling Kagome that she should tell Kouga off. When he comes around, it upsets me greatly."  
"That's different!" protested Miroku. "Kouga has not threatened to kill Kagome! Kikyo has."  
"Your right. Kouga hasn't threatened to kill Kagome, he has threatened to kill me. But I guess that's alright!" snarled Inuyasha.  
"He's just posturing! He means nothing by it!" said Miroku.  
"You don't really believe that, do you? Sango, you know demons, enlighten this fool!" ordered the irate hayou.  
Sango looked uncomfortable with the turn of this conversation. "I think that Inuyasha may be right, Miroku."  
"What!?"  
Draws deep breath "Demons get very aggressive when it comes to mates and potential mates. If they think that their claim is threatened, they have been known to kill rivals or percieved rivals." explained Sango.  
"But his threats don't matter because they are directed at me, eh, Miroku. You've heard him make the threats but since they were made at me, you chose to ignore them!"  
Miroku paled slightly, realizing that he had done his friend an injustice. "I'm sorry, Inuyasha. I just assumed that it was similar to how men act over a woman. Still, this is getting away from the fact that you upset Kagome."  
"Feh! I'll go get Kagome!"  
"She was very upset with you, Inuyasha! She may not come back!"  
"She'd better."  
  
Kagome's window  
Inuyasha opened Kagome's window and dropped to the floor, lightly. He could hear Kagome's deep breathing that signaled she was asleep. He crept to the bed and looked down at the beautiful young woman. He took a deep breath, inhaling her scent. Then he frowned, he could smell the tears where she had been crying. His heart contracted painfully in his chest. 'Why does she do this to me? I never wanted to love again, and now that I do, I can't tell her how I feel.' Inuyasha sighed deeply and settled on the floor next to the bed. Putting his back to the bed and his sword in his lap, he awaited the morning.  
  
Kagome awoke to the sun coming through her window. The light on her face woke her and the gentle breeze from the window felt good. Her eyes snapped open. 'I didn't leave the window open!' She saw Inuyasha sitting next to her bed, his head bent forward in profile to her. "Inuyasha!" she yelled.  
Inuyasha slowly lifted his head and turned to look at her. "What, Kagome?" as if this were an everday awakening.  
"What are you doing here? I'm not going back with you! I have plans for the day, and they don't include you!"  
"I'm not going to take you back, I came to see how you are doing."  
"What did you just say?" asked a disbelieving Kagome. She was sure that she had misheard.  
"Open your ears, wench! I said I'm not taking you back right now!" growled the iratated hanyou.  
"Why?" asked a suspicious Kagome. "I bet you just want me out of the way so that you can run to Kikyo! I don't understand! She's dead! What do you see in her!?" Kagome's voice rose to a shout.  
Inuyasha glared at her and shouted back, "Why do you care if I see her or not?!"  
"Oh, no! I asked you first!"  
Inuyasha gave a long, drawn out growl. "If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell the others. In order for you to understand, I have to tell you some of my past. I don't want the others to know about it."  
Kagome realized that she was about to hear things that she had always wanted to know about this secretive man. Eagerly, she nodded, "You can trust me, Inuyasha. I have never told any of your secrets."  
Inuyasha sighed deeply, "I know." Taking a deep breath, the hanyou began his story.  
"I guess that it started at the beginning of my life. You know that my father was the demon lord of the western lands and that my mother was human. A few years after I was born, my father sent me and my mother to stay with her father while he fought against the dragon, Ryuukotsusei. When he didn't return, my grandfather took over the role of father for me." Inuyasha smiled slightly, "You should have seen him, Kagome! He was a fierce old man, who had been a warrior all his life. But he still made time for me and took pride in me. He even had plans to train me in the art of war so that I could go into the field with him." Inuyasha stopped for a moment, his face clouding. "I think I loved that old man, but it was my fault he died."  
"Inuyasha! You can't mean that!" protested Kagome.  
"Not me, personally. But because I existed. Grandfather was a great general for the human lord of the western lands. This man feared that my grandfather had made an alliance with my father to take his lands from him and I was the seal of that alliance. So he ordered Grandfather to prove his loyalty to him. He ordered my death. 'Kagome gasped.' Instead, grandfather sent my mother and I into hiding and then he committed seppaku because he had disobeyed his lord and to keep them from torturing our whereabouts from him." Inuyasha paused and bowed his head.  
Kagome reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Oh, Inuyasha!" she breathed, tears for his pain rolling down her face.  
Inuyasha reached up and put his hand over hers. He lifted his head and looked at her, his eyes bright with unshed tears. "It has been a long time since I allowed myself to think of Grandfather. I haven't thought of any of my human family since I was a child. I couldn't go to them after mother was killed. It would have made the old man's sacrifice in vain and it would have put them in danger. I didn't want anyone else to die for me!"  
Inuyasha paused. Shaking his head slightly, as if to clear it, he continued. "For years after that, I was alone. When I was small, people would try to beat me or would throw stones at me. Sometimes, they even tried to kill me, all because I was a demon. Then, as I got older and stronger, people would fear me because I wouldn't let them beat me anymore. Instead, I beat them. Of course, youkai had been trying to kill me ever since mother died, so I had no one. Other than Myoga, and he was always running off." He looked at Kagome. "Have you ever been totally alone? With no friends or family? Can you imagine that for just an hour? I lived with that for ten years. And then I heard a rumor. I was sleeping in a barn and overheard two farmers gossiping. They were talking about a fantastic jewel that could grant a wish. They said it was guarded by a beautiful miko who was as cold as ice. 'Kagome stiffened' It was gossip, but it could have been true, so I decided to check it out. If true then I could become a full demon and be able to take my place in youkai society as the son of a lord. I found the miko's village and began watching her from a distance. The farmers were right. She was beautiful, but she never seemed cold. Distant and alone would describe her better. She only seemed to care for her little sister. I became intrigued by her. I had thought to steal it from her, at first, then I saw her kill an attacking demon with a purifying arrow. I decided to approach with more caution. When I approached her the first time, she looked at me and said, "So, are you the one who has been shadowing me for days?" I was surprised that she had known I was there. She told me later that she could sense me and could tell from my aura that I wasn't dangerous, at that time. We became friends. She filled an emptiness that was in my heart and I filled one in hers. I treated her as a person, not as a cold miko. Her responsibilities made her a somber person, but not cold. Slowly, we fell in love. But, there was a problem. Because of her miko resposibilities, she felt that loving me as a hanyou was wrong. After she purified the jewel, she wanted me to become human. Anyway, you know the rest. Naraku tricked us into betrayal and we both died. Now I am alive again and so is Kikyo, in a way. I know that she is truly dead but when I am with her, I remember the time when I wasn't alone. The pain goes away. And I will follow her into hell before I live with that pain again!" The last was said vehemently.  
"But, Inuyasha! You're not alone. You have us, your friends. You have my friendship!" protested Kagome.  
Inuyasha growled in frustration. "You don't get it do you? I don't want your friendship, I want your love!" Inuyasha suddenly went white. "Oh, crap! I didn't mean to say that! I'm sorry, Kagome!" Saying that he leaped for the window.  
"Inuyasha! Wait! Inuyasha!" Kagome screamed at him to stop. "Inuyasha! SIT!" That stopped him. She ran down the stairs as fast as she could to get to him before the spell wore off. She barely made it. He was beginning to get up and looked ready to run. "Inuyasha, you haven't heard why I care! It's because I love you and can't stand to see you in another woman's arms! I want you to be in my arms! I want to be the one to kiss you! I want you to stay with me and not go to hell!" All this said with tears streaming down her cheeks. "Please believe me, Idon't want to lose you!" She fell to her knees to beg him, if necessary. Inuyasha went to his knees with her. This time, the tears did fall from his eyes. "Kagome." he whispered huskily. "I have loved you for so long. But I couldn't tell you. Everyone I have loved has died and I would rather go to hell than see you die, too."  
Kagome smiled through her tears, "You silly hanyou. Nothing is going to happen to me. I have a powerful protector." With that, she leaned up and kissed him, softly on the lips.  
Inuyasha returned the kiss with a smile. When he returned to his own time, he would need to talk to Kikyo and explain to her that Kagome would be filling the emptiness inside him. He didn't need her to relieve the pain anymore.  
  
A/N : I hope you enjoyed this little story. The idea of Inuyasha's grandfather came from the incomparable author of 'Present Time'. If you want to read a truly phenominal fic, read that one. Seppaku - Ritual suicide. 


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter two  
  
A/N: I originally intended for this to be a one shot, but ideas kept coming up. So here is chapter two, Inuyasha tells Kikyo. Thank you for the kind reviews. And to let everyone know, there is a sequal to this story. It is called 'Reunion'. I don't own Inuyasha, and neither do you, so there!  
  
Inuyasha woke with the dawn. He felt a pleasant warmth against his body. Looking down, he smiled at the sleeping Kagome. She was curled up against his chest as he sat on her bed, his back to a wall. After the confessions of the day before, they had come back to Kagome's room to talk. They had spent the rest of the day talking of hopes, dreams, and the countless other things that young love makes you talk about. Of course, there had been plenty of cuddling and kissing, as well. 'But not mating, at least not yet.' thought Inuyasha, in bemusement. They had discussed that too and had decided that it would be better to wait until Naraku was gone, Kikyou laid to rest, and themselves married! 'Not that it will be easy.' thought the hanyou with a slight grimace on his face. 'I've never mated before, but I've seen and heard enough to know that I want to! Especially now that I have someone who wants me as I am.' He sighed at that thought. He could tell that Kagome was "turned on",as she put it, by him. Kikyou never was. She liked him and had found a companion for her loneliness with him, but she had never desired his hanyou self. She had wanted his soul in a human body. Yet another way that Kagome was better than Kikyou.  
Thinking about Kikyou, Inuyasha sighed. 'I have to tell her.' He owed her that much. Carefully moving from behind Kagome so as not to wake her, Inuyasha got up from the bed after gently laying her down. He leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips. She murmmered and reached out, putting her hand on his arm and carressing it in her sleep. Smiling slightly, Inuyasha breathed in her scent. He savored her aroma before he moved his arm from under her hand. "I'll be back in a little while, my love. There is something I must do. I love you." He leaned in for a quick peck on her cheek and then went to the window before she could wake completely.  
Inuyasha went to the well and went through. He didn't see Kagome watch him go into the well house. After he left, Kagome sat on the edge of her bed. She had an idea what Inuyasha was doing. She hoped that he would be able to. Standing up from the bed, she looked out the window at the wellhouse and made a decision. 'I'm going to follow him. He may need me.' This decided, she dressed quickly and went to the well.  
Inuyasha saw the soul gatherers as soon as he came out of the well. "I might as well get this over with." he said to himself. He followed the soul gatherers into the forest. He didn't have far to go. He found Kikyou lounging in a tree. "Hello, Kikyou." he said. "We need to talk."  
"And what do we need to talk about, Inuyasha? The fact that you haven't honored your promise to go to hell with me, yet!"  
"In a way. Kikyou, I'm not going to hell with you."  
Kikyou's eyes narrowed. "You promised that you would."  
"I know, but I've already died for you once. Isn't that enough?"  
"No, it isn't enough. You are mine and I'm not going to let my shadow take you away from me, because that is what this is all about, isn't it!? You love her more than me!"  
"Kagome is more than your shadow, Kikyou!" exclaimed Inuyasha. "She is everything that you could have been, but thought yourself to pure to be. And I love what you could have been, so it is you who are the shadow, because you never truly stepped into the light!"  
Kikyou looked at Inuyasha and then did the last thing he expected. She began to cry. Slow tears went down her cheeks. "But ... but I love you, Inuyasha. Are you going to leave me alone?"  
Inuyasha looked at her, stricken. But before he could answer, Kagome stepped out from behind the tree she had been hiding behind. "You won't be alone."  
"Surely, you are not going to give him back to me. If you are, you are a fool."  
"Kagome, I'm not leaving you!"  
Kagome looked at the former lovers and smiled. 'I don't know why I didn't realize this before.', she thought. "I'm not going to ask you to leave me, Inuyasha. And I'm not giving him up, Kikyou. I've waited too long for him for that." Kagome took a deep breath. "Kikyou? Have you ever thought about you and I? What we share?"  
"No, not really. You were always just a copy of me."  
"Yes and no. We have the same soul."  
"You're stating the obvious."  
"Yes, I am. Something so obvious that we both missed it!"  
"Really." Kikyou's voice dripped with sarcasm. "And just what is this oh so obvious thing. Enlighten me."  
"Don't you get it?! We share the same soul! If I am your reincarnate, then you aren't in hell, and Inuyasha's soul is still near to your soul in me!"  
Kikyou's and Inuyasha's jaws dropped.  
"So you see, Inuyasha doesn't need to go to hell with you. And you aren't alone. You're still with him. Only it is as me." Kagome looked at both smugly.  
"But ... but Inuyasha will love you. And I won't be me when I become you." Kikyou whispered.  
"You're soul will remember and trust me, I love Inuyasha with all my heart and soul. So that means your love will live on in me. Besides, you have already become me, and there is nothing that can change that."  
Kikyou turned to Inuyasha, tears of joy in her eyes. "This means I can rest now, because I will still have you and your love! Go to her Inuyasha! And remember me!" Kikyou stepped forward and embraced Inuyasha quickly, then she backed away. As she backed away, a glow started to envelope her. Kagome took Kikyou's place in Inuyasha's arms as the glow intensified. Spheres of light began exiting Kikyou's body and circled her for a moment before taking flight, released to continue their journey to the afterlife. As each sphere left her, she got visibly weaker. The smile never left her face as she sank to her knees. Finally, no other spheres left her body. She put her hands in front of her and one final sphere appeared in her hands. Looking at Inuyasha and Kagome, she smiled at their tears, for both were crying over her. "This one is yours, Kagome. Take it and be whole once again. I will always love you, Inuyasha! Farewell as Kikyou, hello as Kagome!" This said she released the last sphere. It sped to Kagome and entered her chest, causing her to gasp. Inuyasha tightened his grip on Kagome. Then he released her and ran to Kikyou's side where she had fallen over. Kagome came up behind him and placed her hands on his shoulders.  
For a moment, Inuyasha knelt beside the body of clay that had been Kikyou. He shed some tears of regret for what might have been, and he shed some tears for her finding of peace. Slowly, he stood. He turned and took Kagome into his arms. She was crying, too. She cried at his pain and she cried for Kikyou's sacrifice.  
"We'll bury her here." Inuyasha said quietly. "And after..."  
"And after...?" asked Kagome.  
"And after, we kill Naraku and live our lives together, never to be alone again. I love you, Kagome."  
"Never alone. I love you, Inuyasha." Kagome said with a smile that could have had just a hint of another behind it. "Never alone." she whispered, as she embraced the man she loved.  
  
A/N: Done! This time it is finished! I hope you liked it. Look for another story soon. This one will be about Inuyasha's human family and will be a sequel to this one. 


	3. Prologue to Reunion

Prologue  
  
A/N : I don't own Inuyasha. I hope that you enjoy this story. I will do my best to please you. This prologue was the original beginning for 'Reunion'. I made a mistake and forgot to put it there! ducks thrown things Sorry!  
  
Dusk was falling when the messenger arrived at his lord's manor. He went straight to the audience hall after throwing the reins of his horse to the groom. The lord looked up as his servant entered. The man approached the figure at the head of the room and dropped to one knee.  
"I bear news, my lord."  
"Speak, Daremo."  
"I spoke with several of the villagers in the area. There can be no doubt. The rumors we have heard are true. He has returned from the dead. Some of the men that I spoke with even saw the event."  
"You have done well, my servant. Now, go get some rest. I will be needing you in the morning."  
The lord waited until his servant had left before rising. He left the hall and went to a smaller room in the manor. An elderly woman looked at him as he entered. "Mother, he is alive."  
The old woman closed her eyes and bowed her head. When she looked up, she had tears in her eyes. Her voice shook with emotion as she spoke. "Send for him, my son. I want to see him before the end of my life."  
The lord nodded in agreement. "I will send Daremo in the morning with letters of invitation, both formal and informal."  
The old woman smiled as she wiped the tears from her face. "I will send a note, as well. He will not refuse me."  
The lord smiled as he turned to leave. He paused at the door. "Mother? Should we tell her?"  
The old woman frowned. "No. Not at this time. I wish to see him first and get a chance to explain. Maybe he will accept it, unless he inherited father's temper."  
The lord laughed at the last. "Good night, mother. I will get your note in the morning. Please get some rest."  
'How will I rest?' she thought after her son left. 'He is alive! He is alive! Oh please, Inuyasha! Come home, son of my sister, come home!'  
  
A/N: This is just a tease. Yes, I know I'm evil. I hope that you will like the rest of the story. 


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